3. Get Your Needs Met

3. Get Your Needs Met
You need to know what your needs are before you can get them met.

A personal need is something you must have in order to achieve and maintain an optimal state. Having needs can make us feel vulnerable, causing us to deny that we have them to others and to ourselves. We all have needs and it is much more effective if we clearly understand what those needs are and find positive ways to get them met. Needs can be met consciously or unconsciously, productively or unproductively, but they will get met. The question is not whether your needs will be met, but whether they will be met in a constructive, positive way that you choose or in a destructive, negative way that hurts you and those around you. The question is not, do I get my needs met, but how do I get my needs met.

It is essential to build your relationship network so that your needs can be met properly in order for you to achieve your prime objective. You need to give yourself permission to get your needs met. You need to find ways to get your needs met that will not alienate other people or diminish your influence. When your needs are not met, you are drained of energy, dissatisfied, and filled with stress, making it much more difficult to achieve your prime objective.

Learning to get your needs met takes practice, trial and error, so you must be persistent. Other people see your needs even when you try to hide them, so why bother hiding them? We often place self-imposed obstacles in the way of getting our needs met. These obstacles are caused by the way we see ourselves, the way we want others to see us, and how we think other people see us.

Ask: What is the cost of not having my needs met? How much can you accomplish by yourself? Will you really be able to achieve your prime objective without help from others? Are you willing to let pride keep you from getting what you need to achieve your life mission? Do others rely upon you to have their needs met? If so, will you be able to meet their needs if your needs are not met? What is it costing me to maintain my self-created image of self-sufficiency?

If you have the ability to handle a lot of stress, this strength can become a weakness if it keeps you from asking for help until it is too late. The more we get our needs met, the less “needy” we become. When we deny our needs, we become more “needy” and it quickly becomes apparent to everyone else. Anything worth doing is worth getting help with.

A five step process for getting your needs met:

Step One: Identify and articulate specific personal needs. Think of a time when you weren’t yourself or at your best and you will have a pretty good indication of what your needs are. Ask yourself what need was not getting met that caused the breakdown. Step Two: Give yourself permission. Not giving yourself permission to have needs met will hurt you more in the long run. Step Three: Identify the people in your life who can help you. Step Four: Set a goal that will get your need met and choose a strategy to move towards it. Step Five: Anticipate what could go wrong.

Needs stay the same but circumstances change. Consider events in light of your needs, and set up strategies to have your needs met before a crisis occurs. Getting your needs met is an on-going cyclical process that needs to be made a life-long habit.