5. Name and Claim Your Standards

5. Name and Claim Your Standards
We all have an inner code of conduct that regulates how we act and interact with other people. If you are over the age of 30, your code is most likely outdated and needs to be rewritten.

Standards are the behaviors and practices you hold yourself to. They determine what you demand of yourself in any given situation. Some standards we choose, while others are laid on us by others or society; it is these that bog us down, drain us of energy, and cause us to judge others, ruining our relationships.

The first step is to identify your standards and determine what they are based on. Evaluate whether your standards are too high or too low. Determine which standards you need to change.

Set yourself up to win, not to lose. Always set standards that you can actually keep.

Our standards also govern the judgments we pass on others. We make a mistake when we assume that all people are like us, or should be like us, and are faulty when they’re not. Most relational problems are the result of clashes over valuables and standards. Determine what is different about the other person, how that bothers you, and how that makes them stronger or better than me as well as weaker or worse than me. What value does this person bring that I don’t, can’t or won’t? What advantage do I gain by discounting them?

Keep your standards for yourself but not to yourself; you need to communicate your standards to others without forcing your standards upon them.