VII. Summit Seven: Deliver Greatness, Every Day
“We give others the courage to do great things by our own example of doing great things.” Steve Ackerman
A. Witnessing Greatness Every Day
1. Who in your life do you currently most admire? Why? What does that person do, or demonstrate, that makes him worthy of your admiration?
2. Who do you currently most admire at work, at school, or in your community? Why? What does that person do, or demonstrate, that makes him worthy of your admiration?
3. Summit One: Take It On
a) How does that person take it on?
b) Where does that person fall on the Adversity Continuum?
c) If you had to guess, what assumptions do you think that person makes about adversity?
4. Summit Two: Summon Your Strengths
a) What is the toughest or most important thing you’ve seen that person pursue?
b) What skills did that person possess and develop to make it happen?
c) What strengths does that person summon in the face of adversity? Which ones do you most admire?
d) How do the teams that person assembles or joins complement his or her strengths to achieve a higher goal?
e) How does that person create positive interdependence, being roped together with others?
f) What does he bring to any team? Rate that person’s overall A Factor, W Factor, E Factor.
5. Summit Three: Engage Your CORE
a) Do you think that person has a high, moderate or low Adversity Quotient?
b) To what extent does that person tend to focus on what can be influenced (C), step up to make things better (O), contain bad things (R), and see or get past adverse events (E)?
c) On a scale of one to ten, how effectively does that person engage his CORE?
6. Summit Four: Pioneer Possibilities
a) What possibilities, big or small, has that person pioneered?
b) How does that person respond when someone says something import is impossible?
c) What Signature Systems have you seen that person apply?
7. Summit Five: Pack Light, Pack Right
a) On a scale of one to ten, where does that person score on Life Worth?
b) What examples can you think of when that person has forgone a desire in order to achieve something more important?
c) How effectively does that person strategically invest time, energy, and money on the things that matter most? To what extent does that person invest in his own well-being?
8. Summit Six: Suffer Well
a) What suffering, big or small, have you seen that person endure?
b) How did that person handle it? What effect did his approach to suffering have on others?
9. How would you describe that person’s relationship with adversity? Would you have chosen that person if he had never faced any adversity or had scored much lower on the Adversity Continuum?
B. Your Everyday Greatness Plan
1. Summit One: Take It On
a) Write down how you could take on and harness the adversity in a way that not only reduces your pain or achieves your goals, but also actually elevates others in the process. What lower level behavior do you need to stop? What’s the one thing that would have the most significant impact on your life and on those around you?
2. Summit Two: Summon Your Strengths
a) How can you summon your strengths to deliver greatness? What strengths do you have that will serve you best in this challenge and what strengths do you need to develop? Who do you need with you? Who must not be with you?
3. Summit Three: Engage Your CORE
a) How can you engage your CORE in a way that is uplifting to others?
4. Summit Four: Pioneer Possibilities
a) What challenges would most people consider impossible but would change the game if you could make them possible?
5. Summit Five: Pack Light, Pack Right
a) How can you pack light, pack right to have a positive impact on those around you?
6. Summit Six: Suffer Well
a) How can you respond to suffering in a way that encourages and empowers those around you?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Showing posts with label Character. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Character. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Suffer Well
VI. Summit Six: Suffer Well
“I cannot imagine a fate more awful--a fate worse than death—than a life lived in perfect harmony and balance.” Carl Jung
The question in life is not whether you will ever have to suffer. Rather, it is this: When you do suffer, how will you suffer? Will you suffer poorly, or will you suffer well?
Suffering can be the highest-octane fuel for greatness. You need to learn to turn suffering into meaning and beauty, elevating everyone around you.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Helen Keller
A. Suffering Defined
1. To suffer is to endure something painful. The more something means to you the more painful it may be. The power of suffering is its ability to STRIP away superficialities, ego, and distractions.
a) S: Severity—the magnitude of the pain
b) T: Time—how long you must endure the pain
c) R: Relativity—how severe your pain is when you are compared with those around you and your situation is compared with your own past or other hardships
d) I: Importance—how much the thing for which you are suffering matters
e) P: Price—how much you may or will lose as a result of the adversity
B. Ten Common Cracks and Chasms
1. Whining
a) Whining is irritating and drives others away. Often it occurs when there is a lack of merit in the whiner. It also implies inaction; the whiner is venting instead of trying to solve the problem.
2. Complaining
a) Complaining, expressing unhappiness about something, is slightly more constructive than whining. Sometimes it is good and beneficial to express our unhappiness in order to come to grips with it and to get past it. However, when overdone, it makes us weak, drains our energy, and lessens our determination. It is also contagious.
3. Blaming
a) When you blame others you give up control, taking the problem out of your power to change it. When you blame you also miss out on a vital piece of your own development. Learn from your mistakes and then move on.
4. Identifying
a) Identifying means to become one with your suffering in a bad way. You limit your potential when you label yourself according to your suffering, robbing you of the opportunity to grow through your suffering.
5. Anesthetizing
a) Often we shut down emotionally, use drugs or alcohol, become workaholics, or other electronic devices, such as TV, video games, the internet, and the like.
6. Escaping
a) You can run from suffering, but you can’t hide from it. Procrastination is one of the most popular forms of escape. We can also become driven, engage in risky behavior, or look for other socially unacceptable means to deal with our pain.
7. Rationalizing
a) Overextended strengths can become weaknesses. We can explain away almost anything. It is healthy when it helps you make sense of your life so you can come to grips with the compromises you made that got you where you are. It is unhealthy when you reason yourself out of what is possible so we don’t take responsibility for our own choices.
8. Denying
a) Denying refuses to acknowledge the pain so we don’t have to deal with it. Our culture sets up standards for what are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with pain and suffering, so be careful not to evaluate someone else’s response to suffering based on your cultural standards. Denial occurs when we fail to completely accept the full magnitude of our suffering, the resulting consequences, or the severity of the source. While denial can protect us, it also denies us the tremendous power and opportunity of our suffering.
9. Pretending
a) Pretending is acting as though what we know exists does not exist. Some pretending is good, such as smiling even when you are sad, and faking it until you make it, or putting on a good front so that others are not adversely affected by your suffering. However, if others discover your deception, it will hurt your credibility and you will lose their trust. Pretending is dangerous when it becomes a barrier between others and our suffering. It also denies others the opportunity to share in our suffering with us.
10. Whitewashing
a) This is a more subtle form of pretending where we embellish something to make it look better than it really is. Whitewashing can keep us from what is real, robbing us of the benefits suffering provides.
11. Principles to Keep in Mind
a) It is human nature to use these
b) To a point, most can be used positively and for good reasons
c) Overused, all become destructive
d) These are often used with the best of intentions
e) We all use them
f) If abused, they prevent us from suffering well
C. Types of Suffering
1. Physical Suffering
“Pain is God’s megaphone.” C. S. Lewis
2. Emotional Suffering
a) Emotional suffering gets less sympathy than physical suffering. It tends to be more contagious, one’s worries easily become the worries of another.
3. Mental Suffering
a) We suffer mentally when we can’t seem to figure out and resolve a matter of great importance. It manifests itself in conundrums, quandaries, confusion, and ignorance.
4. Spiritual Suffering
a) This is usually private and hidden and occurs when we feel adrift, faithless, purposeless, hopeless and unconnected. It often occurs when we have fallen short or done wrong in some matter of great importance.
“Suffering, cheerfully endured, ceases to be suffering and is transmuted into an ineffable joy.” Mahatma Gandhi
D. Suffer Check
1. Work and Life
a) What is your single greatest cause of suffering at work?
b) What is your single greatest cause of suffering in your life?
c) On a scale of 1 to 10, rate each based on the STRIP criteria:
(1) Severity, Time, Relativity, Importance, Price
(2) Score: 5-15 (little suffering), 16-30 (noticeable discomfort), 31-45 (real pain), 46-50 (extreme suffering)
E. Positive Pessimism
1. Help alleviate some of the pain by joking about it being worse than it really is: “I’m not the nicest guy in the world, but at least I’m stupid.” “We may be on a tight budget, but at least the heating bill doubled.”
F. Bad Suffering
1. Bad suffering occurs when it makes us less instead of more; bitter rather than better. When we become meaner, smaller, or more selfish as a result of our pain, that is bad suffering. Suffering can be the ultimate excuse to stop trying. It is dangerous because no one will blame you if you quit. Suffering badly can also become a cultural norm. Suffering poorly is your right, but suffering well is your opportunity.
G. Good Suffering
1. Good suffering is elevating. It happens when we allow suffering to make us better people because of what we’ve been through. Good suffering can help strip you of all that is not essential. It can sweep you clean of pettiness, making you more magnanimous and selfless. It can also spawn hope in others, giving them the courage they need to persevere through their difficulties.
“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.” Aristotle
2. How to Suffer Well:
a) Use suffering to help and enrich others
b) Use it to become a better person by demonstrating your highest character and virtue in the face of pain
c) Turn inward and privately harness it to expand your capacity for hardship
d) Use and transcend it by attacking life with renewed determination
e) Be human and acknowledge when it’s hard or it hurts, refusing to pretend it does not exist, robbing yourself of the potential lessons
f) Ask for help when you need it
g) Turn your suffering into a cause
h) Be open about it, letting others learn from what you are going through
3. The Suffer Well
a) How?
(1) How am I going to elevate myself and others, starting now?
b) Who?
(1) Who is most affected by how I suffer?
c) What?
(1) What is my CORE with regard to your suffering? (Control, Ownership, Reach, Endurance)
d) Why?
(1) Why do I want to suffer well?
e) When?
(1) By when will I have said or done something that demonstrates my commitment to suffer well?
4. The Suffer Shifter
a) The one area in which I currently suffer the most is:
b) On the basis of all I have learned about suffering poorly, one specific thing I commit myself to stop doing or do less of is:
c) On the basis of all I have learned about suffering poorly, one specific thing I commit myself to start doing more of is:
d) As a result of these commitments, I and the people around me should enjoy the following benefits:
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
“I cannot imagine a fate more awful--a fate worse than death—than a life lived in perfect harmony and balance.” Carl Jung
The question in life is not whether you will ever have to suffer. Rather, it is this: When you do suffer, how will you suffer? Will you suffer poorly, or will you suffer well?
Suffering can be the highest-octane fuel for greatness. You need to learn to turn suffering into meaning and beauty, elevating everyone around you.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Helen Keller
A. Suffering Defined
1. To suffer is to endure something painful. The more something means to you the more painful it may be. The power of suffering is its ability to STRIP away superficialities, ego, and distractions.
a) S: Severity—the magnitude of the pain
b) T: Time—how long you must endure the pain
c) R: Relativity—how severe your pain is when you are compared with those around you and your situation is compared with your own past or other hardships
d) I: Importance—how much the thing for which you are suffering matters
e) P: Price—how much you may or will lose as a result of the adversity
B. Ten Common Cracks and Chasms
1. Whining
a) Whining is irritating and drives others away. Often it occurs when there is a lack of merit in the whiner. It also implies inaction; the whiner is venting instead of trying to solve the problem.
2. Complaining
a) Complaining, expressing unhappiness about something, is slightly more constructive than whining. Sometimes it is good and beneficial to express our unhappiness in order to come to grips with it and to get past it. However, when overdone, it makes us weak, drains our energy, and lessens our determination. It is also contagious.
3. Blaming
a) When you blame others you give up control, taking the problem out of your power to change it. When you blame you also miss out on a vital piece of your own development. Learn from your mistakes and then move on.
4. Identifying
a) Identifying means to become one with your suffering in a bad way. You limit your potential when you label yourself according to your suffering, robbing you of the opportunity to grow through your suffering.
5. Anesthetizing
a) Often we shut down emotionally, use drugs or alcohol, become workaholics, or other electronic devices, such as TV, video games, the internet, and the like.
6. Escaping
a) You can run from suffering, but you can’t hide from it. Procrastination is one of the most popular forms of escape. We can also become driven, engage in risky behavior, or look for other socially unacceptable means to deal with our pain.
7. Rationalizing
a) Overextended strengths can become weaknesses. We can explain away almost anything. It is healthy when it helps you make sense of your life so you can come to grips with the compromises you made that got you where you are. It is unhealthy when you reason yourself out of what is possible so we don’t take responsibility for our own choices.
8. Denying
a) Denying refuses to acknowledge the pain so we don’t have to deal with it. Our culture sets up standards for what are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with pain and suffering, so be careful not to evaluate someone else’s response to suffering based on your cultural standards. Denial occurs when we fail to completely accept the full magnitude of our suffering, the resulting consequences, or the severity of the source. While denial can protect us, it also denies us the tremendous power and opportunity of our suffering.
9. Pretending
a) Pretending is acting as though what we know exists does not exist. Some pretending is good, such as smiling even when you are sad, and faking it until you make it, or putting on a good front so that others are not adversely affected by your suffering. However, if others discover your deception, it will hurt your credibility and you will lose their trust. Pretending is dangerous when it becomes a barrier between others and our suffering. It also denies others the opportunity to share in our suffering with us.
10. Whitewashing
a) This is a more subtle form of pretending where we embellish something to make it look better than it really is. Whitewashing can keep us from what is real, robbing us of the benefits suffering provides.
11. Principles to Keep in Mind
a) It is human nature to use these
b) To a point, most can be used positively and for good reasons
c) Overused, all become destructive
d) These are often used with the best of intentions
e) We all use them
f) If abused, they prevent us from suffering well
C. Types of Suffering
1. Physical Suffering
“Pain is God’s megaphone.” C. S. Lewis
2. Emotional Suffering
a) Emotional suffering gets less sympathy than physical suffering. It tends to be more contagious, one’s worries easily become the worries of another.
3. Mental Suffering
a) We suffer mentally when we can’t seem to figure out and resolve a matter of great importance. It manifests itself in conundrums, quandaries, confusion, and ignorance.
4. Spiritual Suffering
a) This is usually private and hidden and occurs when we feel adrift, faithless, purposeless, hopeless and unconnected. It often occurs when we have fallen short or done wrong in some matter of great importance.
“Suffering, cheerfully endured, ceases to be suffering and is transmuted into an ineffable joy.” Mahatma Gandhi
D. Suffer Check
1. Work and Life
a) What is your single greatest cause of suffering at work?
b) What is your single greatest cause of suffering in your life?
c) On a scale of 1 to 10, rate each based on the STRIP criteria:
(1) Severity, Time, Relativity, Importance, Price
(2) Score: 5-15 (little suffering), 16-30 (noticeable discomfort), 31-45 (real pain), 46-50 (extreme suffering)
E. Positive Pessimism
1. Help alleviate some of the pain by joking about it being worse than it really is: “I’m not the nicest guy in the world, but at least I’m stupid.” “We may be on a tight budget, but at least the heating bill doubled.”
F. Bad Suffering
1. Bad suffering occurs when it makes us less instead of more; bitter rather than better. When we become meaner, smaller, or more selfish as a result of our pain, that is bad suffering. Suffering can be the ultimate excuse to stop trying. It is dangerous because no one will blame you if you quit. Suffering badly can also become a cultural norm. Suffering poorly is your right, but suffering well is your opportunity.
G. Good Suffering
1. Good suffering is elevating. It happens when we allow suffering to make us better people because of what we’ve been through. Good suffering can help strip you of all that is not essential. It can sweep you clean of pettiness, making you more magnanimous and selfless. It can also spawn hope in others, giving them the courage they need to persevere through their difficulties.
“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.” Aristotle
2. How to Suffer Well:
a) Use suffering to help and enrich others
b) Use it to become a better person by demonstrating your highest character and virtue in the face of pain
c) Turn inward and privately harness it to expand your capacity for hardship
d) Use and transcend it by attacking life with renewed determination
e) Be human and acknowledge when it’s hard or it hurts, refusing to pretend it does not exist, robbing yourself of the potential lessons
f) Ask for help when you need it
g) Turn your suffering into a cause
h) Be open about it, letting others learn from what you are going through
3. The Suffer Well
a) How?
(1) How am I going to elevate myself and others, starting now?
b) Who?
(1) Who is most affected by how I suffer?
c) What?
(1) What is my CORE with regard to your suffering? (Control, Ownership, Reach, Endurance)
d) Why?
(1) Why do I want to suffer well?
e) When?
(1) By when will I have said or done something that demonstrates my commitment to suffer well?
4. The Suffer Shifter
a) The one area in which I currently suffer the most is:
b) On the basis of all I have learned about suffering poorly, one specific thing I commit myself to stop doing or do less of is:
c) On the basis of all I have learned about suffering poorly, one specific thing I commit myself to start doing more of is:
d) As a result of these commitments, I and the people around me should enjoy the following benefits:
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Pack Light, Pack Right
V. Summit Five: Pack Light, Pack Right
“It’s tough to climb a mountain if you pack too much or if pack incorrectly. Likewise, it’s tough to be agile and effective at harnessing numerous adversities each day if you’re weighed down by all the competing priorities vying for your focus. When this happens, everyday distractions bury the potential for everyday greatness.”
A. Packing Right
1. Stuff
“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.” Eric Hoffer
“Everyday greatness means rising above mediocrity, even then the gravitational pull is enormous. It means moving forward and up, when everyone else is camping. Sometimes it can even mean escaping comfort and welcoming adversity.”
a) Why More Has Become Less
(1) More stuff leads to more complexity, which leads to less time, less peace of mind, and less capacity to take on more important challenges.
(2) Often, the more we add the weaker we become.
b) Which Stuff is the Right Stuff?
(1) What is mission-critical for your life?
(2) The right stuff is the stuff that most enables and least hinders your efforts to deliver your own version of everyday greatness--to do the things you are meant to do in life.
c) How Much is Enough?
(1) Since most of us live well beyond “need” and well within “want” most of what we have is unnecessary.
(2) Pleasures are not evil, but if they detract from your higher calling, or worse yet, become your calling, you have a problem.
(3) Your desires should enable you to achieve your highest efforts. If they don’t, then they must be cut out.
(4) How much is enough? Exactly as much as it takes todo the thing you have been created and called to do.
d) Net Worth vs. Life Worth
“The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” Henry David Thereau
(1) Net Worth
(a) Net Worth is what is left when you subtract everything you owe from everything you have.
(2) Life Worth
(a) Life Worth is the value you get from and give to life. It includes the stuff you give to life (love, energy, charity, thoughtfulness, kindness, etc.) and the stuff you get as a result (fulfillment, peace, contentment, etc.). What is your life worth?
(3) Net Worth-Life Worth Grid
(a) Step One
(i) Put an X at the spot that represents the balance you are striving for.
(b) Step Two
(i) Put a dot at the spot that indicates where you are right now
(c) Step Three
(i) Draw an arrow indicating the direction you are moving
(d) Consider Your Grid
(i) What’s the ideal combination of net worth and Life Worth? Most chose more Life Worth than net worth, and some choose the maximum of both. Very few chose more net worth over Life Worth.
(ii) How happy are you with your current balance of net worth and Life Worth? How close is it to where you want to be at this stage in your life? Do you let the pursuit of comfort get in the way of your higher cause?
(e) The Role of Adversity in Life Worth
(i) Adversity forces you to make tough choices between net worth and Life Worth.
(f) Repacking for Life Worth
(i) Take some time to spring clean your life and get rid of what you don’t need and add what you do need. Consider keeping, or adding, things that enhance the three A’s: Agility, Alchemy, and Adversity. If something hinders your capacity and weighs you down, get rid of it.
(g) Pack Check: Stuff
(i) Evaluate everything in your life and find at least five things that you can eliminate from your life to lighten your load, improve your agility and increase your energy. Ask these questions: Does my stuff…
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Makes me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(ii) What is one significant change I can make in how I use my money that will most directly fund my Life Worth?
(iii) What is one challenge or adversity I will confront to lighten my burden and increase my Life Worth?
(iv) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about stuff is…?
2. Time
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard
a) Just as indifference is the enemy of passion, worthless time is the enemy of achieving everyday greatness, and it is the demon of any enterprise. What things in your life are stealing your time and keeping you from achieving the most important thing in your life? Spend time and relentlessly evaluate all the time wasters you engage in and cut them out of your life.
b) The Time Challenge
(1) Level One Challenge: The Basics
(a) Which items on your calendar are critical? Why?
(b) Which items on your calendar are least enriching? Why?
(c) What are two or three things you could shed from your week that would substantially increase your Life Worth?
(2) Level Two Challenge: Advanced
(a) On a blank sheet of paper list all of your roles in life on the left-hand side (father, son, brother, boss, employee, coworker, student, etc.)
(b) Next to each role list one thing you have on your calendar for the next week that will most enhance your Life Worth in that role.
(c) List one challenge or adversity you would like to take on in each role to become more effective in that role.
(d) List one simple thing next to each role that you will commit to do over the coming week that will enhance your Life Worth.
(3) Pack Check: Time
(a) Evaluate everything in your schedule and eliminate those that diminish your agility and sap your energy. Ask these questions: Do my obligations…
(i) Hurt or help my agility?
(ii) Sap or fuel my energy?
(iii) Make me worse or better?
(iv) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(b) What is one significant change I can make in how I use my time that will most directly fund my Life Worth?
(c) What is one challenge or adversity I will confront to lighten my burden and increase my Life Worth?
(d) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about my use of time is…?
3. Work
“I believe you are your work. Don’t trade the stuff of your life, time, for nothing more than dollars. That’s a rotten bargain.” Rita Mae Brown
a) Prime Time—The Human Energy Grid
(1) What are the prime energy years of a contributing person’s life? Age 25-55
(2) What are the prime energy hours of a contributing person’s day? 7 am to 3 pm
(3) What are the prime energy days of a contributing person’s week? Monday through Thursday
b) Elevating the Day Job
(1) The first way is to infuse your present job with more Life Worth. Find ways to give your best in ways that add value to the lives of others.
c) From Paycheck to Reality Check
(1) The second way is to choose a job that adds to your Life Worth by allowing you to do something that is deeply important and adds value to other people.
d) Pack Check: Work
(1) What adjustments could you make at work to enhance your Life Worth, lighten your load, improve your agility, and increase your energy?
(2) On a scale of one to ten, to what extent does your current work affect your agility, energy, and ability to achieve everyday greatness?
(3) Ask these questions: Does my current work…
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Make me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(4) What is one significant change I can make in my work that will most directly improve my Life Worth?
(5) What is one challenge or adversity I will add to my work to increase my Life Worth?
(6) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about my work is…?
4. Self
“Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God, and value it next to a good conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, —a blessing that money can’t buy.” Izaak Walton
a) How far can you go in life if you are exhausted, out of shape, spiritually empty, and emotionally spent? You need to take time to invest in yourself and achieve your best so you can give your best to others. Schedule time into your life to refuel and rejuvenate so you can elevate your life to a higher level.
b) Pack Check: Self
(1) What adjustments could you make in the way you treat yourself to enhance your Life Worth, lighten your load, improve your agility, and increase your energy?
(2) On a scale of one to ten, to what extent does the way you treat yourself affect your agility, energy, and ability to achieve everyday greatness?
(3) Ask these questions: Does the way I treat myself …
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Make me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(4) What is one significant change I can make in the way I treat myself that will most directly improve my Life Worth?
(5) What is one challenge or adversity I will add to my week to refuel and increase my Life Worth?
(6) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about how to treat myself is…?
c) Life is too short and too precious to load it down with anything or anyone who depletes our potential to become and do our best. It is my moral obligation to myself as honed as possible so I can have the greatest impact on the areas that truly matter the most, including helping others increase their Life Worth.
B. The Adversity Advantage Packing List
1. Stuff
a) What item or items could you purchase or add that would improve your three A’s?
2. Time
a) What is a new obligation or something to add to your schedule that would improve your three A’s?
3. Work
a) What will you add to your work to make it richer in Life Worth?
4. Self
a) What will you add to your life to optimize your energy, your outlook, and the three A’s?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
“It’s tough to climb a mountain if you pack too much or if pack incorrectly. Likewise, it’s tough to be agile and effective at harnessing numerous adversities each day if you’re weighed down by all the competing priorities vying for your focus. When this happens, everyday distractions bury the potential for everyday greatness.”
A. Packing Right
1. Stuff
“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.” Eric Hoffer
“Everyday greatness means rising above mediocrity, even then the gravitational pull is enormous. It means moving forward and up, when everyone else is camping. Sometimes it can even mean escaping comfort and welcoming adversity.”
a) Why More Has Become Less
(1) More stuff leads to more complexity, which leads to less time, less peace of mind, and less capacity to take on more important challenges.
(2) Often, the more we add the weaker we become.
b) Which Stuff is the Right Stuff?
(1) What is mission-critical for your life?
(2) The right stuff is the stuff that most enables and least hinders your efforts to deliver your own version of everyday greatness--to do the things you are meant to do in life.
c) How Much is Enough?
(1) Since most of us live well beyond “need” and well within “want” most of what we have is unnecessary.
(2) Pleasures are not evil, but if they detract from your higher calling, or worse yet, become your calling, you have a problem.
(3) Your desires should enable you to achieve your highest efforts. If they don’t, then they must be cut out.
(4) How much is enough? Exactly as much as it takes todo the thing you have been created and called to do.
d) Net Worth vs. Life Worth
“The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” Henry David Thereau
(1) Net Worth
(a) Net Worth is what is left when you subtract everything you owe from everything you have.
(2) Life Worth
(a) Life Worth is the value you get from and give to life. It includes the stuff you give to life (love, energy, charity, thoughtfulness, kindness, etc.) and the stuff you get as a result (fulfillment, peace, contentment, etc.). What is your life worth?
(3) Net Worth-Life Worth Grid
(a) Step One
(i) Put an X at the spot that represents the balance you are striving for.
(b) Step Two
(i) Put a dot at the spot that indicates where you are right now
(c) Step Three
(i) Draw an arrow indicating the direction you are moving
(d) Consider Your Grid
(i) What’s the ideal combination of net worth and Life Worth? Most chose more Life Worth than net worth, and some choose the maximum of both. Very few chose more net worth over Life Worth.
(ii) How happy are you with your current balance of net worth and Life Worth? How close is it to where you want to be at this stage in your life? Do you let the pursuit of comfort get in the way of your higher cause?
(e) The Role of Adversity in Life Worth
(i) Adversity forces you to make tough choices between net worth and Life Worth.
(f) Repacking for Life Worth
(i) Take some time to spring clean your life and get rid of what you don’t need and add what you do need. Consider keeping, or adding, things that enhance the three A’s: Agility, Alchemy, and Adversity. If something hinders your capacity and weighs you down, get rid of it.
(g) Pack Check: Stuff
(i) Evaluate everything in your life and find at least five things that you can eliminate from your life to lighten your load, improve your agility and increase your energy. Ask these questions: Does my stuff…
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Makes me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(ii) What is one significant change I can make in how I use my money that will most directly fund my Life Worth?
(iii) What is one challenge or adversity I will confront to lighten my burden and increase my Life Worth?
(iv) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about stuff is…?
2. Time
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard
a) Just as indifference is the enemy of passion, worthless time is the enemy of achieving everyday greatness, and it is the demon of any enterprise. What things in your life are stealing your time and keeping you from achieving the most important thing in your life? Spend time and relentlessly evaluate all the time wasters you engage in and cut them out of your life.
b) The Time Challenge
(1) Level One Challenge: The Basics
(a) Which items on your calendar are critical? Why?
(b) Which items on your calendar are least enriching? Why?
(c) What are two or three things you could shed from your week that would substantially increase your Life Worth?
(2) Level Two Challenge: Advanced
(a) On a blank sheet of paper list all of your roles in life on the left-hand side (father, son, brother, boss, employee, coworker, student, etc.)
(b) Next to each role list one thing you have on your calendar for the next week that will most enhance your Life Worth in that role.
(c) List one challenge or adversity you would like to take on in each role to become more effective in that role.
(d) List one simple thing next to each role that you will commit to do over the coming week that will enhance your Life Worth.
(3) Pack Check: Time
(a) Evaluate everything in your schedule and eliminate those that diminish your agility and sap your energy. Ask these questions: Do my obligations…
(i) Hurt or help my agility?
(ii) Sap or fuel my energy?
(iii) Make me worse or better?
(iv) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(b) What is one significant change I can make in how I use my time that will most directly fund my Life Worth?
(c) What is one challenge or adversity I will confront to lighten my burden and increase my Life Worth?
(d) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about my use of time is…?
3. Work
“I believe you are your work. Don’t trade the stuff of your life, time, for nothing more than dollars. That’s a rotten bargain.” Rita Mae Brown
a) Prime Time—The Human Energy Grid
(1) What are the prime energy years of a contributing person’s life? Age 25-55
(2) What are the prime energy hours of a contributing person’s day? 7 am to 3 pm
(3) What are the prime energy days of a contributing person’s week? Monday through Thursday
b) Elevating the Day Job
(1) The first way is to infuse your present job with more Life Worth. Find ways to give your best in ways that add value to the lives of others.
c) From Paycheck to Reality Check
(1) The second way is to choose a job that adds to your Life Worth by allowing you to do something that is deeply important and adds value to other people.
d) Pack Check: Work
(1) What adjustments could you make at work to enhance your Life Worth, lighten your load, improve your agility, and increase your energy?
(2) On a scale of one to ten, to what extent does your current work affect your agility, energy, and ability to achieve everyday greatness?
(3) Ask these questions: Does my current work…
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Make me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(4) What is one significant change I can make in my work that will most directly improve my Life Worth?
(5) What is one challenge or adversity I will add to my work to increase my Life Worth?
(6) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about my work is…?
4. Self
“Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God, and value it next to a good conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, —a blessing that money can’t buy.” Izaak Walton
a) How far can you go in life if you are exhausted, out of shape, spiritually empty, and emotionally spent? You need to take time to invest in yourself and achieve your best so you can give your best to others. Schedule time into your life to refuel and rejuvenate so you can elevate your life to a higher level.
b) Pack Check: Self
(1) What adjustments could you make in the way you treat yourself to enhance your Life Worth, lighten your load, improve your agility, and increase your energy?
(2) On a scale of one to ten, to what extent does the way you treat yourself affect your agility, energy, and ability to achieve everyday greatness?
(3) Ask these questions: Does the way I treat myself …
(a) Hurt or help my agility?
(b) Sap or fuel my energy?
(c) Make me worse or better?
(d) Suffocate or maximize my Life Worth?
(4) What is one significant change I can make in the way I treat myself that will most directly improve my Life Worth?
(5) What is one challenge or adversity I will add to my week to refuel and increase my Life Worth?
(6) So far, the most important lesson I’ve learned about how to treat myself is…?
c) Life is too short and too precious to load it down with anything or anyone who depletes our potential to become and do our best. It is my moral obligation to myself as honed as possible so I can have the greatest impact on the areas that truly matter the most, including helping others increase their Life Worth.
B. The Adversity Advantage Packing List
1. Stuff
a) What item or items could you purchase or add that would improve your three A’s?
2. Time
a) What is a new obligation or something to add to your schedule that would improve your three A’s?
3. Work
a) What will you add to your work to make it richer in Life Worth?
4. Self
a) What will you add to your life to optimize your energy, your outlook, and the three A’s?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Engage Your CORE
III. Summit Three: Engage Your CORE
“There is a mechanism or switch,, deep within you, which can be triggered whenever any type of adversity strikes. Engaging your CORE is about rewiring your response to adversity by using a new set of tools so you can take advantage of the hardships that accompany anything big and worthwhile.”
“Your CORE is derived from your Adversity Quotient (AQ), which is a measure of how you respond to adversity of all kinds—how you respond to the world around you. It predicts and drives a host of factors that are critical to success. High AQ people rise to the top and tend to outperform, outlast, outmaneuver, and outdo their low-AQ counterparts, in essentially all endeavors.”
A. Factors critical to success:
1. Performance
2. Resilience
3. Engagement
4. Innovation
5. Attitude, morale, outlook
6. Energy
7. Problem solving
8. Health
9. Entrepreneurism
10. Agility
11. Longevity
B. Standing Up to Adversity
1. Your Adversity “Posture” is ten percent genetic and ninety percent learned.
2. By age 12 your AQ Posture is highly formed and by age 16 it is hardwired for the rest of your life
3. You must become aware of it and choose to change it
C. Using AQ: Know Your CORE
1. C: Control
a) Control is often abused by authority figures.
b) In contrast, the Serenity Prayer shows that there are things that we can control and things we can’t.
c) The aspect of control that matters the most is Influence. The most important question is not whether you are in complete control but when adversity strikes, to what extent do you perceive that you can influence whatever happens next?
d) Control is the most robust in predicting health and longevity. Those who perceive they have more control over how they do what they do tend to live nearly a full decade longer than those who accept their lot in life.
e) Engage your CORE by asking, “What facets of this situation or adversity can I potentially influence?”
2. O: Ownership
a) Ask, “How likely are you to step up to do anything to improve the situation, regardless of your job description?”
b) Don’t waste energy trying to pinpoint blame or shoulder all the responsibility yourself.
c) Do something, no matter how small, to make things better.
d) Usually you need to step up and take ownership when you least feel like doing it.
e) Engage your CORE by asking, “What can I do to affect this situation r adversity immediately and positively?”
f) Don’t give away your power or momentum by waiting for others but focus on your realm, your ownership, and then watch others do the same.
3. R: Reach
a) How does one adversity affect other areas of your life? Many engage in catastrophizing, or allowing one thing that goes wrong to spill over into other areas. Seeing a setback as devastating will stop you, but seeing it as merely one small setback will give you the ability to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.
b) The better you are at containing difficulties the lighter you feel and the more effective you will be. The bigger and worse everything appears the more suffocating life becomes, making it difficult to keep your footing.
c) Engage your CORE to limit the size, scope, and fallout of your adversities by asking, “What can I do to minimize or contain the downside of this situation?” and “What can I do to optimize the potential upside of this situation?”
d) Dreamy optimists are dangerous but engaged optimists are hopeful that their relentless, strategically focused efforts will increase the chance that things will turn out better over time.
e) The FAILURE FANTASY: Visualize in vivid detail the pain and agony that will result if you allow yourself to fail. This will motivate you to endure and not give up.
D. Building your CORE
1. The best way to build your CORE is through heightened awareness, with feedback from multiple sources.
2. The CORE Panorama
a) On a scale of one to ten, how effectively do I respond to adversity?
b) Am I more effective with certain kinds of adversities than others? If so, which one am I better or worse at? Am I better at dealing with big adversities or the small, day-to-day stuff?
c) Are there certain times when I deal better with adversity than others? If so, when? What have I observed?
d) What is the most positive or negative example of how I dealt with adversity?
e) If I drew a line or continuum ranging from “helpless” to “in control” where would I typically fall when adversity strikes?
f) When the tough stuff hits, how likely am I to step up to do even the smallest thing to make the situation better?
g) How well do you think I do at keeping the adversity in its place? Do I contain the adversity or do I tend to let it spill over into everything else?
h) How long do I tend to let adversities last?
i) What do I like best about the way I handle adversity? What do I like least? Why?
j) What would be an example of a time when I have done what I just described?
k) If I were coaching me on how to handle adversity more effectively, what is the one thing I’d like me to do more, less, or differently?
3. Consider Your CORE
a) When adversity strikes, make it a habit to ask, “What’s my CORE?”
b) How much Control am I feeling or indicating?
c) To what extent am I taking Ownership and stepping up to tackle this situation?
d) How far am I willing to let this Reach? How big am I letting it become?
e) How long do I see this Enduring? To what extent am I letting this drag on?
4. Recognizing CORE
a) Analyze other people’s situations to find instances of CORE or its absence.
5. Employ the CORE Strategy
a) Control
(1) What is everything beyond our control? What things do most people consider out of our control?
(2) Of those things listed, which ones are absolutely beyond our influence? Which ones can we influence, even in some small way?
(3) Of the things we could potentially influence in this situation, which two are the most important?
b) Ownership
(1) Where and how can we step up to make the most immediate positive difference in this situation?
c) Reach
(1) What is the worst thing that could happen?
(2) If we allowed ourselves to think outrageously, what is the best thing that could happen?
(3) What things can we do to minimize the potential downside of this situation?
(4) What things can we do to maximize the potential upside of this situation?
d) Endurance
(1) What do we want life to look like on the other side of this adversity?
(2) What else can we do to get there as quickly and completely as possible?
e) The Action Funnel
(1) Which actions first?
(2) By when?
(3) How will I do it?
(4) What is the most likely obstacle?
(5) How will I deal with it?
(6) If the first action fails or falls short, then what?
(7) By when?
(8) How?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
“There is a mechanism or switch,, deep within you, which can be triggered whenever any type of adversity strikes. Engaging your CORE is about rewiring your response to adversity by using a new set of tools so you can take advantage of the hardships that accompany anything big and worthwhile.”
“Your CORE is derived from your Adversity Quotient (AQ), which is a measure of how you respond to adversity of all kinds—how you respond to the world around you. It predicts and drives a host of factors that are critical to success. High AQ people rise to the top and tend to outperform, outlast, outmaneuver, and outdo their low-AQ counterparts, in essentially all endeavors.”
A. Factors critical to success:
1. Performance
2. Resilience
3. Engagement
4. Innovation
5. Attitude, morale, outlook
6. Energy
7. Problem solving
8. Health
9. Entrepreneurism
10. Agility
11. Longevity
B. Standing Up to Adversity
1. Your Adversity “Posture” is ten percent genetic and ninety percent learned.
2. By age 12 your AQ Posture is highly formed and by age 16 it is hardwired for the rest of your life
3. You must become aware of it and choose to change it
C. Using AQ: Know Your CORE
1. C: Control
a) Control is often abused by authority figures.
b) In contrast, the Serenity Prayer shows that there are things that we can control and things we can’t.
c) The aspect of control that matters the most is Influence. The most important question is not whether you are in complete control but when adversity strikes, to what extent do you perceive that you can influence whatever happens next?
d) Control is the most robust in predicting health and longevity. Those who perceive they have more control over how they do what they do tend to live nearly a full decade longer than those who accept their lot in life.
e) Engage your CORE by asking, “What facets of this situation or adversity can I potentially influence?”
2. O: Ownership
a) Ask, “How likely are you to step up to do anything to improve the situation, regardless of your job description?”
b) Don’t waste energy trying to pinpoint blame or shoulder all the responsibility yourself.
c) Do something, no matter how small, to make things better.
d) Usually you need to step up and take ownership when you least feel like doing it.
e) Engage your CORE by asking, “What can I do to affect this situation r adversity immediately and positively?”
f) Don’t give away your power or momentum by waiting for others but focus on your realm, your ownership, and then watch others do the same.
3. R: Reach
a) How does one adversity affect other areas of your life? Many engage in catastrophizing, or allowing one thing that goes wrong to spill over into other areas. Seeing a setback as devastating will stop you, but seeing it as merely one small setback will give you the ability to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.
b) The better you are at containing difficulties the lighter you feel and the more effective you will be. The bigger and worse everything appears the more suffocating life becomes, making it difficult to keep your footing.
c) Engage your CORE to limit the size, scope, and fallout of your adversities by asking, “What can I do to minimize or contain the downside of this situation?” and “What can I do to optimize the potential upside of this situation?”
d) Dreamy optimists are dangerous but engaged optimists are hopeful that their relentless, strategically focused efforts will increase the chance that things will turn out better over time.
4. E: Endurance
a) When adversity strikes, Endurance involves asking, “How long do you predict it will last or endure?”
b) High AQ people can see past the adversity and view the worst circumstances as temporary.
c) Engage your CORE by asking, “How can I get through this as quickly as possible?”
a) When adversity strikes, Endurance involves asking, “How long do you predict it will last or endure?”
b) High AQ people can see past the adversity and view the worst circumstances as temporary.
c) Engage your CORE by asking, “How can I get through this as quickly as possible?”
d) Play the SUMMIT GAME: See yourself as having already made it through the adversity and accomplished your goal. Visualize with as much detail as possible and you will be energized to endure the adversity.
e) The FAILURE FANTASY: Visualize in vivid detail the pain and agony that will result if you allow yourself to fail. This will motivate you to endure and not give up.
D. Building your CORE
1. The best way to build your CORE is through heightened awareness, with feedback from multiple sources.
2. The CORE Panorama
a) On a scale of one to ten, how effectively do I respond to adversity?
b) Am I more effective with certain kinds of adversities than others? If so, which one am I better or worse at? Am I better at dealing with big adversities or the small, day-to-day stuff?
c) Are there certain times when I deal better with adversity than others? If so, when? What have I observed?
d) What is the most positive or negative example of how I dealt with adversity?
e) If I drew a line or continuum ranging from “helpless” to “in control” where would I typically fall when adversity strikes?
f) When the tough stuff hits, how likely am I to step up to do even the smallest thing to make the situation better?
g) How well do you think I do at keeping the adversity in its place? Do I contain the adversity or do I tend to let it spill over into everything else?
h) How long do I tend to let adversities last?
i) What do I like best about the way I handle adversity? What do I like least? Why?
j) What would be an example of a time when I have done what I just described?
k) If I were coaching me on how to handle adversity more effectively, what is the one thing I’d like me to do more, less, or differently?
3. Consider Your CORE
a) When adversity strikes, make it a habit to ask, “What’s my CORE?”
b) How much Control am I feeling or indicating?
c) To what extent am I taking Ownership and stepping up to tackle this situation?
d) How far am I willing to let this Reach? How big am I letting it become?
e) How long do I see this Enduring? To what extent am I letting this drag on?
4. Recognizing CORE
a) Analyze other people’s situations to find instances of CORE or its absence.
5. Employ the CORE Strategy
a) Control
(1) What is everything beyond our control? What things do most people consider out of our control?
(2) Of those things listed, which ones are absolutely beyond our influence? Which ones can we influence, even in some small way?
(3) Of the things we could potentially influence in this situation, which two are the most important?
b) Ownership
(1) Where and how can we step up to make the most immediate positive difference in this situation?
c) Reach
(1) What is the worst thing that could happen?
(2) If we allowed ourselves to think outrageously, what is the best thing that could happen?
(3) What things can we do to minimize the potential downside of this situation?
(4) What things can we do to maximize the potential upside of this situation?
d) Endurance
(1) What do we want life to look like on the other side of this adversity?
(2) What else can we do to get there as quickly and completely as possible?
e) The Action Funnel
(1) Which actions first?
(2) By when?
(3) How will I do it?
(4) What is the most likely obstacle?
(5) How will I deal with it?
(6) If the first action fails or falls short, then what?
(7) By when?
(8) How?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Summon Your Strengths
II. Summon Your Strengths
“Often the best things in life do not come naturally. Therefore, you should boldly decide what you want to do, why it’s important, and whatever you have the will to persevere. Next, figure out what strengths you have or might be able to develop—from scratch, if necessary—to make it happen. Then you need to try, struggle, fail, and fail again, until you get the results that you’re after. From that experience of learning to smelt the primary elements—skill and will—your strengths will emerge. Let adversity be the flame in which your strengths are forged.”
“But regardless of how many strengths you can build and use effectively, it’s almost impossible to achieve greatness alone. Linking with the right people can elevate the breadth and scope of your impact.”
A. Strength Formula
1. Adversity Tools
a) Skills, Talents, and Strengths
(1) Skills: Those things you are relatively good at, whether innate or learned
(2) Talents: Skills that you have a natural ability to do well.
(3) Strengths: An extremely valuable or useful ability, asset or quality (They are greater and deeper than skills and are more overarching).
b) Will
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi
“When it comes to doing anything worthwhile, if you don’t have the will, you won’t.”
(1) Will is made up of determination, desire, decisiveness and effort.
(2) Will + Skill = Strengths
c) The Why
“He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche
(1) It is not enough to have high aspirations; you must have a compelling reason for that aspiration.
2. Your Summit Strengths
a) What do I want to do?
b) Why do I want to do it?
c) What is the most significant adversity or obstacle I will face as I attempt to do it?
d) What strengths do I have, and which strengths do I need to forge, to make it happen?
e) Summit Strengths Checklist
(1) Summit Challenge:
(2) Why:
(3) Sills:
(4) Strengths:
(5) Summit Adversity:
(6) Skills:
(7) Strengths:
(8) Adversity Strength Strategy:
3. Adversity Strengths versus Regular Strengths
“What matters most is not who you are or what you bring forth when all is right, but rather who you are and what you bring forth when something goes wrong.”
“Summon your strengths when adversity strikes and its countless advantages are yours to harvest.”
a) Regular Strengths: Those qualities you regularly demonstrate under calm, normal conditions.
b) Adversity Strengths: Those strengths that you summon when adversity strikes, when you are under the gun or feeling the pressure or when things go wrong.
c) Integrity is being whole or complete so that you are the same under adversity as you are under calm and normal conditions.
d) Strength Sorter:
(1) What are your Regular Strengths?
(2) What are your Adversity Strengths?
(3) How do the two lists compare? How much overlap is there?
(4) What is the one Regular Strength you are most compelled to turn into an Adversity Strength?
(5) Adversity Gap Strategy: How will you do it?
(6) Areas of Strengths:
(a) Relationships
(b) Creativity
(c) Attitude/Outlook
(d) Virtues
(e) Thinking
(f) Physical
(g) Spiritual
(h) Other
4. The Team Advantage
It is not enough to forge your own Adversity Strengths, but you must also forge the Team’s Adversity Strengths if you are to achieve greatness
a) The A Factor—Adversity: How does each team member perform and what strengths does each bring forth while under adversity?
b) Assessing Adversity Strengths of your team
(1) Step One: Rate each team member (1 to 10) on how he demonstrates each strength under normal circumstances.
(2) Step Two: Rate each team member (1 to 10) on how he demonstrates each strength under adversity or pressure.
(3) Step Three: Address these questions:
(a) Of this entire list, what Adversity Strength does each person need to develop? Why?
(b) What are the things the person tends to do best when under real, even chronic, pressure and stress?
(c) What have other people commented on or noticed about the person’s behavior when he or she is facing adversity? What are the common themes?
c) Blind Spots
(1) We all are blind to our weaknesses and strengths, failing to see our true potential. Some overestimate their Adversity Strengths while many underestimate them.
(2) When adversity strikes, strengthen your position by:
(a) Gaining utter clarity and being brutally honest about your own A Factor
(b) Helping others to shed light on theirs
(c) Working to develop the Adversity Strengths you need as a team
d) The W Factor—Why
“People will rarely exceed their why.”
(1) Keep asking candidates why they want to be a part of your team until the truest, deepest reason is exposed.
e) The E Factor—Ego
(1) Ego is your idea of your own importance or worth.
(2) What is the relationship between your self-perception and your actual strengths and contribution?
(3) It is vital to success to have a strong sense of one’s true strengths, abilities and worth.
(4) A strong self image is essential to take full advantage of adversities from which others back down.
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
“Often the best things in life do not come naturally. Therefore, you should boldly decide what you want to do, why it’s important, and whatever you have the will to persevere. Next, figure out what strengths you have or might be able to develop—from scratch, if necessary—to make it happen. Then you need to try, struggle, fail, and fail again, until you get the results that you’re after. From that experience of learning to smelt the primary elements—skill and will—your strengths will emerge. Let adversity be the flame in which your strengths are forged.”
“But regardless of how many strengths you can build and use effectively, it’s almost impossible to achieve greatness alone. Linking with the right people can elevate the breadth and scope of your impact.”
A. Strength Formula
1. Adversity Tools
a) Skills, Talents, and Strengths
(1) Skills: Those things you are relatively good at, whether innate or learned
(2) Talents: Skills that you have a natural ability to do well.
(3) Strengths: An extremely valuable or useful ability, asset or quality (They are greater and deeper than skills and are more overarching).
b) Will
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi
“When it comes to doing anything worthwhile, if you don’t have the will, you won’t.”
(1) Will is made up of determination, desire, decisiveness and effort.
(2) Will + Skill = Strengths
c) The Why
“He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche
(1) It is not enough to have high aspirations; you must have a compelling reason for that aspiration.
2. Your Summit Strengths
a) What do I want to do?
b) Why do I want to do it?
c) What is the most significant adversity or obstacle I will face as I attempt to do it?
d) What strengths do I have, and which strengths do I need to forge, to make it happen?
e) Summit Strengths Checklist
(1) Summit Challenge:
(2) Why:
(3) Sills:
(4) Strengths:
(5) Summit Adversity:
(6) Skills:
(7) Strengths:
(8) Adversity Strength Strategy:
3. Adversity Strengths versus Regular Strengths
“What matters most is not who you are or what you bring forth when all is right, but rather who you are and what you bring forth when something goes wrong.”
“Summon your strengths when adversity strikes and its countless advantages are yours to harvest.”
a) Regular Strengths: Those qualities you regularly demonstrate under calm, normal conditions.
b) Adversity Strengths: Those strengths that you summon when adversity strikes, when you are under the gun or feeling the pressure or when things go wrong.
c) Integrity is being whole or complete so that you are the same under adversity as you are under calm and normal conditions.
d) Strength Sorter:
(1) What are your Regular Strengths?
(2) What are your Adversity Strengths?
(3) How do the two lists compare? How much overlap is there?
(4) What is the one Regular Strength you are most compelled to turn into an Adversity Strength?
(5) Adversity Gap Strategy: How will you do it?
(6) Areas of Strengths:
(a) Relationships
(b) Creativity
(c) Attitude/Outlook
(d) Virtues
(e) Thinking
(f) Physical
(g) Spiritual
(h) Other
4. The Team Advantage
It is not enough to forge your own Adversity Strengths, but you must also forge the Team’s Adversity Strengths if you are to achieve greatness
a) The A Factor—Adversity: How does each team member perform and what strengths does each bring forth while under adversity?
b) Assessing Adversity Strengths of your team
(1) Step One: Rate each team member (1 to 10) on how he demonstrates each strength under normal circumstances.
(2) Step Two: Rate each team member (1 to 10) on how he demonstrates each strength under adversity or pressure.
(3) Step Three: Address these questions:
(a) Of this entire list, what Adversity Strength does each person need to develop? Why?
(b) What are the things the person tends to do best when under real, even chronic, pressure and stress?
(c) What have other people commented on or noticed about the person’s behavior when he or she is facing adversity? What are the common themes?
c) Blind Spots
(1) We all are blind to our weaknesses and strengths, failing to see our true potential. Some overestimate their Adversity Strengths while many underestimate them.
(2) When adversity strikes, strengthen your position by:
(a) Gaining utter clarity and being brutally honest about your own A Factor
(b) Helping others to shed light on theirs
(c) Working to develop the Adversity Strengths you need as a team
d) The W Factor—Why
“People will rarely exceed their why.”
(1) Keep asking candidates why they want to be a part of your team until the truest, deepest reason is exposed.
e) The E Factor—Ego
(1) Ego is your idea of your own importance or worth.
(2) What is the relationship between your self-perception and your actual strengths and contribution?
(3) It is vital to success to have a strong sense of one’s true strengths, abilities and worth.
(4) A strong self image is essential to take full advantage of adversities from which others back down.
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Take Adversity Head On!
I. Take Adversity Head On!
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” Alfred D. Souza
A. Two categories of adversity: Inner Adversity and Outer Adversity
1. Inner Adversity: lack of confidence, lethargy, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, depression, self-loathing, physical pain, loneliness, self-doubt, fatigue, poor health, insomnia
2. Outer Adversity: Someone violates your trust, natural disasters, canceled flight, economic downturn, best friend moves away, your new car gets scratched, your computer crashes, your coworker gets upset with you, you fail a class, your insurance rates double, a loved one passes away unexpectedly, a noisy neighbor moves in next door
B. Definition: Adversity occurs when something negatively affects, or is predicted to negatively affect, someone or something you care about.
C. Scoring Your Adversity:
1. Impact: its real or imagined, existing or potential severity
2. Importance: how much it matters to you
D. Cloud Seeding: Creating adversity yourself in order to stimulate growth, change and development
E. Responding to Adversity (The Adversity Continuum)
“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he ahs worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle—victorious.” Vince Lombardi
1. Avoiding
a) It can buy you time, especially when you are overwhelmed, but more often it prevents you from taking on adversity and using it positively
b) Denial is one of the most frequent ways adversity is avoided
2. Surviving
a) Can be arduous and draining
b) Can be inspiring if it is a life or death situation, but more often it is not a heroic choice
3. Coping
a) Some coping strategies are constructive, such as venting to a friend, blowing off steam at the gym, or going for a walk
b) Many coping strategies are destructive, such as drinking, eating, complaining, blaming and playing political games
c) Coping may help you get through adversity unscathed but it does not enable you to take advantage of it to grow and excel
4. Managing
a) Managing adversity tries to minimize the downside of the problem and its potential impact on your life
b) This is more effective than the previous three, but it still takes a lot of energy and doesn’t give much back
5. Harnessing
a) Adversity has tremendous latent energy that can be harnessed to achieve incredible results and fuel your dreams
b) It creates big energy boosts and accelerates progress as well as builds momentum
c) It drives innovation, boosts confidence, strengthens morale
F. Adversity Assumptions (That Limit Your Potential)
1. Less adversity is better
2. My job is to shoulder adversity and protect my loved ones from it
3. Success can be gauged by how effectively you eliminate adversity from your life
G. The Adversity Inventory
1. Step One: Categorize Your Life
a) Family, friends, community, health, hobbies, etc.
2. Step Two: Declare Your Aspirations
a) List your top two or three aspirations for each category
3. Step Three: Prioritize Your Pain
a) List the top two or three adversities that are causing you the most pain in each category
4. Step Four: Pick Your Adversities
a) Pick the one adversity that, if you took it on, would release the greatest energy in your life
5. Step Five: Pinpoint Your Summit Challenge
a) The one compelling thing that you’ve always wanted to do, but have not yet done
6. Step Six: Select Your Summit Adversity
a) Select the one adversity that you are sure to face as you take on your summit challenge and that, if harnessed, would offer the greatest potential energy or breakthrough
7. Step Seven: Clear the Trail
a) What’s your excuse?
b) What are the primary reasons you have not optimized that adversity so far? Is it because the adversity makes you uncomfortable or requires extra effort, or because you just don’t know how?
c) What are the real excuses? What are the excuses beneath the excuses? What’s really at the heart of the matter:
8. Questions to Ask
a) If you were to turn into the storm with your Summit Adversity, how would you do it?
b) If you were to ask for or welcome the full force of the adversity, how would you do it?
c) What protections do you need to strip away to experience it fully and harness its force?
d) What courageous conversation do you need to have with yourself or others in order to bring it on and take it on?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” Alfred D. Souza
A. Two categories of adversity: Inner Adversity and Outer Adversity
1. Inner Adversity: lack of confidence, lethargy, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, depression, self-loathing, physical pain, loneliness, self-doubt, fatigue, poor health, insomnia
2. Outer Adversity: Someone violates your trust, natural disasters, canceled flight, economic downturn, best friend moves away, your new car gets scratched, your computer crashes, your coworker gets upset with you, you fail a class, your insurance rates double, a loved one passes away unexpectedly, a noisy neighbor moves in next door
B. Definition: Adversity occurs when something negatively affects, or is predicted to negatively affect, someone or something you care about.
C. Scoring Your Adversity:
1. Impact: its real or imagined, existing or potential severity
2. Importance: how much it matters to you
D. Cloud Seeding: Creating adversity yourself in order to stimulate growth, change and development
E. Responding to Adversity (The Adversity Continuum)
“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he ahs worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle—victorious.” Vince Lombardi
1. Avoiding
a) It can buy you time, especially when you are overwhelmed, but more often it prevents you from taking on adversity and using it positively
b) Denial is one of the most frequent ways adversity is avoided
2. Surviving
a) Can be arduous and draining
b) Can be inspiring if it is a life or death situation, but more often it is not a heroic choice
3. Coping
a) Some coping strategies are constructive, such as venting to a friend, blowing off steam at the gym, or going for a walk
b) Many coping strategies are destructive, such as drinking, eating, complaining, blaming and playing political games
c) Coping may help you get through adversity unscathed but it does not enable you to take advantage of it to grow and excel
4. Managing
a) Managing adversity tries to minimize the downside of the problem and its potential impact on your life
b) This is more effective than the previous three, but it still takes a lot of energy and doesn’t give much back
5. Harnessing
a) Adversity has tremendous latent energy that can be harnessed to achieve incredible results and fuel your dreams
b) It creates big energy boosts and accelerates progress as well as builds momentum
c) It drives innovation, boosts confidence, strengthens morale
F. Adversity Assumptions (That Limit Your Potential)
1. Less adversity is better
2. My job is to shoulder adversity and protect my loved ones from it
3. Success can be gauged by how effectively you eliminate adversity from your life
G. The Adversity Inventory
1. Step One: Categorize Your Life
a) Family, friends, community, health, hobbies, etc.
2. Step Two: Declare Your Aspirations
a) List your top two or three aspirations for each category
3. Step Three: Prioritize Your Pain
a) List the top two or three adversities that are causing you the most pain in each category
4. Step Four: Pick Your Adversities
a) Pick the one adversity that, if you took it on, would release the greatest energy in your life
5. Step Five: Pinpoint Your Summit Challenge
a) The one compelling thing that you’ve always wanted to do, but have not yet done
6. Step Six: Select Your Summit Adversity
a) Select the one adversity that you are sure to face as you take on your summit challenge and that, if harnessed, would offer the greatest potential energy or breakthrough
7. Step Seven: Clear the Trail
a) What’s your excuse?
b) What are the primary reasons you have not optimized that adversity so far? Is it because the adversity makes you uncomfortable or requires extra effort, or because you just don’t know how?
c) What are the real excuses? What are the excuses beneath the excuses? What’s really at the heart of the matter:
8. Questions to Ask
a) If you were to turn into the storm with your Summit Adversity, how would you do it?
b) If you were to ask for or welcome the full force of the adversity, how would you do it?
c) What protections do you need to strip away to experience it fully and harness its force?
d) What courageous conversation do you need to have with yourself or others in order to bring it on and take it on?
From: The Adversity Advantage, Paul G. Stoltz and Erik Weihenmayer
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Man's Finest Hour
“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he ahs worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle—victorious.”
Vince Lombardi
Vince Lombardi
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Vision, Discipline, Passion and Conscience
Express Your Voice: Vision, Discipline, Passion and Conscience (64-93)
“More powerful is he who has himself in his power.” Lucius Amaeus Seneca
The highest expression of the four intelligences: (65-66)
Mental: Vision
Seeing with the mind’s eye what is possible in people, projects, and enterprises that comes when our mind joins need with possibility. When there is no vision, people fall into victimism.
Physical: Discipline
Discipline is paying the price to bring the vision into reality and comes when vision is joined to commitment. When discipline is absent people fall into indulgence, sacrificing what matters most for the pleasure or thrill of the moment.
Emotional: Passion
Passion is the fire, the desire, the strength of conviction and the drive that sustains the discipline to achieve the vision, and it arises when need overlaps with talent. When passion is missing people fall into insecurity and the empty chatter of the social mirror.
Spiritual: Conscience
Conscience is the inward moral sense of what is right and wrong and the drive toward meaning and contribution, and is the guiding force to vision, discipline and passion. When conscience is absent people are dominated by ego.
“Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish of spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of the body over the mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may seem in itself.” Susana Wesley
From The 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey
“More powerful is he who has himself in his power.” Lucius Amaeus Seneca
The highest expression of the four intelligences: (65-66)
Mental: Vision
Seeing with the mind’s eye what is possible in people, projects, and enterprises that comes when our mind joins need with possibility. When there is no vision, people fall into victimism.
Physical: Discipline
Discipline is paying the price to bring the vision into reality and comes when vision is joined to commitment. When discipline is absent people fall into indulgence, sacrificing what matters most for the pleasure or thrill of the moment.
Emotional: Passion
Passion is the fire, the desire, the strength of conviction and the drive that sustains the discipline to achieve the vision, and it arises when need overlaps with talent. When passion is missing people fall into insecurity and the empty chatter of the social mirror.
Spiritual: Conscience
Conscience is the inward moral sense of what is right and wrong and the drive toward meaning and contribution, and is the guiding force to vision, discipline and passion. When conscience is absent people are dominated by ego.
“Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish of spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of the body over the mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may seem in itself.” Susana Wesley
From The 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Gridiron Gang
I enjoyed the movie Gridiron Gang, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I thought the production was second-rate but the story was inspiring. The acting wasn’t topnotch, since most of the actors were unknowns. While I have a lot of respect for the Rock and enjoy his movies, I must admit that he is not a great actor. The movie lacked the emotional punch of other similar movies, such as Remember the Titans, where racial tensions had to be surmounted in much the same way that gang rivalries had to be transcended in Gridiron Gang. Much more could have been done with this movie to make it a top-notch production that would have more effectively promoted its inspiring message.
I was inspired by the story mainly because it was based on true events. I admire the compassion and tenacity of Sean Porter, the main character, who sacrifices and innovates to help gang members in juvenile prison develop the character and attitudes necessary to escape the dead end lifestyle of the inner city gangs.
To be honest, I was moved emotionally more by the clips at the end showing the real life people portrayed in the movie. Their comments were more powerful than the movie was. It would have been better to have watched 15 minutes of these clips than watching the movie. The real Sean Porter was much more dynamic than The Rock was able to portray him. And the young men were able to communicate the transformation that had taken place in their lives because of Sean’s tough love.
I hope that more people realize that the present system isn’t working and use this model as inspiration for creating more effective alternatives to our juvenile justice system. It would also be valuable for anyone who works with youth to inspire them to come up with more effective methods of instilling values and character.
I was inspired by the story mainly because it was based on true events. I admire the compassion and tenacity of Sean Porter, the main character, who sacrifices and innovates to help gang members in juvenile prison develop the character and attitudes necessary to escape the dead end lifestyle of the inner city gangs.
To be honest, I was moved emotionally more by the clips at the end showing the real life people portrayed in the movie. Their comments were more powerful than the movie was. It would have been better to have watched 15 minutes of these clips than watching the movie. The real Sean Porter was much more dynamic than The Rock was able to portray him. And the young men were able to communicate the transformation that had taken place in their lives because of Sean’s tough love.
I hope that more people realize that the present system isn’t working and use this model as inspiration for creating more effective alternatives to our juvenile justice system. It would also be valuable for anyone who works with youth to inspire them to come up with more effective methods of instilling values and character.
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