Coping with Difficult People
Robert Bramson
BASIC COPING STEPS
The six fundamental steps below will help you to cope successfully, no matter what type of difficult person you need to deal with.
1. ASSESS THE SITUATION
Can your troubled relations be resolved by an honest discussion, or are you confronted by a difficult person who habitually acts in a difficult manner?
2. STOP WISHING THEY WERE DIFFERENT
Acknowledge difficult people for what they are. Stop hoping they'll miraculously change or disappear.
3. TRY TO VIEW THE DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR OBJECTIVELY
Try to categorize the person in order to see his or her difficult behavior as a whole.
Try to understand the difficult person's behavior by thinking of instances in which you acted similarly.
4. FORMULATE A COPING STRATEGY
In what way can you change the pattern of interaction between you and the other person so that his or her positive, productive responses are nourished and his or her negative responses are inhibited?
5. IMPLEMENT YOUR PLAN
Choose a time when the difficult person is not unusually burdened with other concerns, and when you have time to carry through with your plan.
Prepare for coping by practicing your responses in front of a mirror or by role playing with a friend.
6. MONITOR YOUR PROGRESS AND MODIFY YOUR PLAN AS REQUIRED
If your strategy isn't working, consider whether you have assessed the difficult person's behavior correctly
Do the benefits of coping outweigh the cost of putting up with the difficult person? If not, is there a way you can avoid the difficult person altogether?
COPING METHOD ABSTRACT
Some kinds of people are more difficult to understand and work with effectively than others. For example: Most of us, at times, encounter clients (or co-workers) who are hostile, complaining, or excessively indecisive, and perhaps find them irritating, frustrating, and very hard to deal with in a constructive way.
There are seven behavior patterns that seem to be particularly difficult to handle:
THE HOSTILE AGGRESSIVE TRIO: Sherman Tanks, Snipers and Exploders
These people display a strong need to shape the world around them; they combine aggressiveness with hostility-throwing tantrums, bullying and intimidating, or making cutting remarks-whenever they don't get their own way.
To cope with these people:
1. Stand up to them, but don't get into an argument.
2. Acknowledge and accept your own opinions andfeelings.
3. Expect to feel rage, but control your behavior.
4. With Snipers, smoke out the attacking nature of the"remark."
5. With Exploders, take what they say seriously andmake sure that they know you do.
6. Manufacture a break in the interaction, if possible.
INDECISIVES
Indecisives are those people who postpone major decisions, as they have learned that the need for most decisions, if they are left unmade, eventually disappears. They may also find it difficult to make a decision until all of the elements are perfect-which means never.
To cope with these people:
1. Help them to voice their concerns or conflicts.
2. Use their "indirectness" as a key to understandingpoints of concern.
3. Provide face-to-face support when possible.
4. Cut down the alternatives you offer.
5. Keep the action step in your hand.
6. Watch for a sudden change in behavior as a signyou've pushed too far.
COMPLAINERS
Although these people point out real problems, they incessantly gripe without ever trying to do anything about what they are complaining about, either because they feel they can't, or because they refuse to bear the responsibility.
To cope with these people:
1. Listen so they can let off steam.
2. Deal with your own guilt.
3. Acknowledge their complaints and feelings, butdon't agree (empathize, don't sympathize).
4. Ask factual, problem-solving questions.
5. Make limiting responses (for example: "You feel youweren't treated well this morning").
6. Ask how they would like things to turn out.
NEGATIVISTS
When others are trying to solve a problem or improve a procedure, Negativists go to work. While they don't intend to throw a wet blanket on every idea, they firmly believe that every obstacle is an immutable barrier out of anyone's power, and thus offer comments like, "it won't work," or "it's impossible"... and deflate the optimism of those around them.
To effectively cope with these people:
1. Watch for and control your own "sympatheticdepression."
2. Make optimistic, but realistic statements.
3. Stay away from solution steps for as long as possible.
4. Don't try to convince them that "things are notso bad."
5. Be prepared to take action on your own.
6. Use their negativism to point out potential problemsthat may need contingency planning.
SILENT-AND-UNRESPONSIVES
When you're looking for information, these people either can't or won't talk. Instead, they respond with a yap, a no, or a grunt. Getting them to talk is the major problem.
To effectively cope with these people:
1. Deal with your own need to fill the silence.
2. Ask open-ended questions.
3. Use the friendly, silent stare.
4. Question their lack of response (for example: "Whatdoes it mean?").
5. End the interaction yourself; don't let it dribble away
EXPERT KNOW-IT-ALLS
These are those "superior" people who believe, and want you to recognize, that they know everything there is to know about anything worth knowing. They are condescending, imposing (if they really do know what they're talking about), or pompous (if they don't), and they will likely make you feel like an idiot.
To effectivelly cope with real expert Know-it-alls you:
1. Do your homework.
2. Ask extensional questions (for example: "Now howwould that apply to our project?").
3. Make factual, but not dogmatic, statements.Be concrete.
4. Choose a subordinate role, if all else fails.
To effectively cope with phoney expert Know-it-alls you:
1. State correct facts or alternative opinions as clearlyas possible, and present them as your own perceptions of reality.
2. Provide a means for the phoney Know-it-all to saveface.
3. Be ready to fill the conversation gap yourself.
4. Cope with this type of person when he or she isalone, whenever possible.
SUPER-AGREEABLES
Having a strong need to be liked and accepted themselves, Super-Agreeables know that people like people who have the good sense to like them. And herein lies the secret of their behavior. They are often very personable, funny, and outgoing individuals who are always very reasonable, sincere, and supportive in your presence. But, rather than directly risk losing your friendship or approval, Super-Agreeables will commit themselves to actions on which they cannot or will not follow through.
To effectively cope with these people:
1. Help them express their true feelings; listen carefullyto what they have to say.
2. Keep in mind that they need your approval.
3. Be appreciative of their humor.
4. Be personal with them.
5. Collaborate with them to help them follow through.
THE COPING PLAN
The Coping Plan consists of a series of questions that can help you to do the best possible job of coping, given your personality and the circumstances in which you find yourself. While completing the plan, keep these things in mind:
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS COPING
Expect to have to do more than your share of the work. Remind yourself that your alternatives are to keep on stewing and getting irritated; to get out of the situation; to choose to live with the difficult behavior; or to persist in your coping attempts even if the fault lies with the difficult person.
WISHING THEY WERE DIFFERENT
The feelings of resentment and fatigue that may wash over you stem from "wishing they were different." While feelings such as these are most understandable, they can keep you from working hard at coping.
IF IT'S YOUR BOSS OR SPOUSE
The more relevant and important the relationship is to you, the more important it will be for you to practice, in private, the coping words you are likely to use.
COMBINATIONS
Many difficult people are combinations of difficult behavior patterns.
The rule of thumb is to use the coping methods that are indicated for both patterns, in alternating sequence. For example, you have been assigned a procrastinating staff member. This person sidesteps the issue of work that hasn't been done by kidding a lot. However, there is a bite to the jokes, and you're the one that gets bitten. "Ah yes," you say to yourself, "a super-agreeable, covert hostile-aggressive." In this situation, your coping plan will be to:
PERSISTENCE PAYS
Be ready to persist in your coping efforts. Remember that quickly becoming fed up with difficult people is a very human reaction-most people do. That is why difficult behavior "works," at least in the short run. Enjoin yourself to stay with the effort. Persistence is more important to effective coping than the skill or comfort with which you carry out the methods.
1. Describe in as much detail as possible the behavior of a person youfind difficult.
2. Write down briefly your understanding of that behavior.
3. Think now of your past behavior as you have interacted with that person. Describe in as much detail as you can. Have there been times and/or situations in which the interaction seemed better? Worse?
4. As you review what you have written down under item 3, determine thepersonal traits that have enabled you to cope effectively in the past, and acknowledge those personal strengths.
5. Now, think of the coping behaviors most likely to be useful with thedifficult person you have described. Consider that some behavior represents a mixture of defensive reactions. What have you tried that seemed to work? What has not worked?
6. In what area(s) do you need skill/practice in coping?
7. Action Ran: Identify the difficult people in your life with whom you needto cope; develop a coping strategy and implement it; set a deadline, and expect results after a predetermined period of time has elapsed. If you do not achieve the desired results in that period of time, rethink your plan and try again.
REFERENCE LIST
Bramson, Robert. Coping with Difficult People, Anchor Press/ Doubleday, 1981.
Bramson, Robed. Coping with Difficult People, Cassette Works, Pasadena, CA 91102-0158, 1983. (A Cassette Course)
Fromm, Erich. Man for Himself, Fawcett Publications, Inc., Greenwich, CT, 1947.
Luft, Joseph. Of Human Interaction, National Press Books, Palo Alto, CA, 1969.
Meininger, Jut. Success Through Transactional Analysis, Signet Books, New American Library, Inc., 1972.
Satir, Virginia. People Making, Science and Behavior Books, Inc., Palo Alto, CA, 1972.
Walton, R.E. Intrapersonal Peacemaking: Confrontation and Third Party Consultation, Addison-Wesley, 1969.
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Taking Responsibility
Taking Responsibility
We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.
This statement may seem idiotically tautological or self-evident, yet it is seemingly beyond the comprehension of much of the human race. This is because we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. We cannot solve a problem by saying "It's not my problem." We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us. I can solve a problem only when I say "This is my problem and it's up to me to solve it." But many, so many, seek to avoid the pain of their problems by saying to themselves: "This prob-lem was caused me by other people, or by social circum-stances beyond my control, and therefore it is up to other people or society to solve this problem for me. It is not really my personal problem."
Most people who come to see a psychiatrist are suffering from what is called either a neurosis or a character disorder. Put most simply, these two conditions are disorders of re-sponsibility, and as such they are opposite styles of relating to the world and its problems. The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. When neurotics are in conflict with the world they automatically assume that they are at fault. When those with character disorders are in conflict with the world they automatically assume that the world is at fault.
Even the speech patterns of neurotics and those with character disorders are different. The speech of the neurotic is notable for such expressions as "I ought to," "I should," and "I shouldn't," indicating the individual's self-image as an in-ferior man or woman, always falling short of the mark, always making the wrong choices. The speech of a person with a character disorder, however, relies heavily on "I can't," "I couldn't," "I have to," and "I had to," demonstrating a self-image of a being who has no power of choice, whose behavior is completely directed by external forces totally beyond his or her control.
As might be imagined, neurotics, compared with character-disordered people, are easy to work with in psychotherapy because they assume responsibility for their difficulties and therefore see themselves as having problems. Those with character disorders are much more difficult, if not impossible, to work with because they don't see themselves as the source of their problems; they see the world rather than themselves as being in need of change and therefore fail to recognize the necessity for self-examination.
In actuality, many individuals have both a neurosis and a character disorder and are referred to as "character neurotics," indicating that in some areas of their lives they are guilt-ridden by virtue of having assumed responsibility that is not really theirs, while in other areas of their lives they fail to take realistic responsibility for themselves. Fortunately, once having established the faith and trust of such individuals in the psycho-therapy process through helping them with the neurotic part of their personalities, it is often possible then to engage them in examining and correcting their unwillingness to assume responsibility where appropriate problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence. It is never completely solved; for the entirety of our lives we must continually assess and reassess where our responsibilities lie in the ever-changing course of events. Nor is this assessment and reassessment painless if performed adequately and conscientiously. To perform either process adequately we must possess the willingness and the capacity to suffer continual self-examination. And such capacity or willingness is not inherent in any of us.
The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the conse-quences of that behavior.
Dr. Hilde Bruch, in the preface to her book Learning Psychotherapy, states that basically all patients come to psychiatrists with "one common problem: the sense of helplessness, the fear and inner conviction of being unable to 'cope' and to change things." t One of the roots of this "sense of impotence" in the majority of patients is some desire to partially or totally escape the pain of freedom, and, therefore, some failure, par-tial or total, to· accept responsibility for their problems and their lives. They feel impotent because they have, in fact, given their power away. Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions. If they can accept this totally, then they become free people. To the extent that they do not accept this they will forever feel themselves victims.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.
This statement may seem idiotically tautological or self-evident, yet it is seemingly beyond the comprehension of much of the human race. This is because we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. We cannot solve a problem by saying "It's not my problem." We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us. I can solve a problem only when I say "This is my problem and it's up to me to solve it." But many, so many, seek to avoid the pain of their problems by saying to themselves: "This prob-lem was caused me by other people, or by social circum-stances beyond my control, and therefore it is up to other people or society to solve this problem for me. It is not really my personal problem."
Most people who come to see a psychiatrist are suffering from what is called either a neurosis or a character disorder. Put most simply, these two conditions are disorders of re-sponsibility, and as such they are opposite styles of relating to the world and its problems. The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. When neurotics are in conflict with the world they automatically assume that they are at fault. When those with character disorders are in conflict with the world they automatically assume that the world is at fault.
Even the speech patterns of neurotics and those with character disorders are different. The speech of the neurotic is notable for such expressions as "I ought to," "I should," and "I shouldn't," indicating the individual's self-image as an in-ferior man or woman, always falling short of the mark, always making the wrong choices. The speech of a person with a character disorder, however, relies heavily on "I can't," "I couldn't," "I have to," and "I had to," demonstrating a self-image of a being who has no power of choice, whose behavior is completely directed by external forces totally beyond his or her control.
As might be imagined, neurotics, compared with character-disordered people, are easy to work with in psychotherapy because they assume responsibility for their difficulties and therefore see themselves as having problems. Those with character disorders are much more difficult, if not impossible, to work with because they don't see themselves as the source of their problems; they see the world rather than themselves as being in need of change and therefore fail to recognize the necessity for self-examination.
In actuality, many individuals have both a neurosis and a character disorder and are referred to as "character neurotics," indicating that in some areas of their lives they are guilt-ridden by virtue of having assumed responsibility that is not really theirs, while in other areas of their lives they fail to take realistic responsibility for themselves. Fortunately, once having established the faith and trust of such individuals in the psycho-therapy process through helping them with the neurotic part of their personalities, it is often possible then to engage them in examining and correcting their unwillingness to assume responsibility where appropriate problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence. It is never completely solved; for the entirety of our lives we must continually assess and reassess where our responsibilities lie in the ever-changing course of events. Nor is this assessment and reassessment painless if performed adequately and conscientiously. To perform either process adequately we must possess the willingness and the capacity to suffer continual self-examination. And such capacity or willingness is not inherent in any of us.
The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the conse-quences of that behavior.
Dr. Hilde Bruch, in the preface to her book Learning Psychotherapy, states that basically all patients come to psychiatrists with "one common problem: the sense of helplessness, the fear and inner conviction of being unable to 'cope' and to change things." t One of the roots of this "sense of impotence" in the majority of patients is some desire to partially or totally escape the pain of freedom, and, therefore, some failure, par-tial or total, to· accept responsibility for their problems and their lives. They feel impotent because they have, in fact, given their power away. Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions. If they can accept this totally, then they become free people. To the extent that they do not accept this they will forever feel themselves victims.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Delaying Gratification
Delaying Gratification
Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure' by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.
Children who are truly loved, although in moments of pique they may consciously feel or proclaim that they are being neglected, unconsciously know themselves to be valued. This knowledge is worth more than any gold. For when children know that they are valued, when they truly feel valued in the deepest parts of themselves, then they feel valuable.
The feeling of being valuable—"I am a valuable person"—is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adult-hood to destroy their spirit.
This feeling of being valuable is a cornerstone of self-discipline because when one considers oneself valuable one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary. Self-discipline is self-caring. For instance-since we are discussing the process of delaying gratification, of scheduling and ordering time-let us examine the matter of time. If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well.
The issue is important, because many people simply don’t take the time necessary to solve many of life's intellectual, social or spiritual problems.
Actually, there is a defect in the approach to problem-solving more primitive and more destructive than impatiently inadequate attempts to find instant solutions, a defect even more ubiquitous and universal. It is the hope that problems will go away of their own accord.
Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.
This inclination to ignore problems is once again a simple manifestation of an unwillingness to delay gratification. Confronting problems is, as I have said, painful. To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful. It is choosing to suf-fer now in the hope of future gratification rather than choosing to continue present gratification in the hope that future suffer-ing will not be necessary.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure' by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.
Children who are truly loved, although in moments of pique they may consciously feel or proclaim that they are being neglected, unconsciously know themselves to be valued. This knowledge is worth more than any gold. For when children know that they are valued, when they truly feel valued in the deepest parts of themselves, then they feel valuable.
The feeling of being valuable—"I am a valuable person"—is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adult-hood to destroy their spirit.
This feeling of being valuable is a cornerstone of self-discipline because when one considers oneself valuable one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary. Self-discipline is self-caring. For instance-since we are discussing the process of delaying gratification, of scheduling and ordering time-let us examine the matter of time. If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well.
The issue is important, because many people simply don’t take the time necessary to solve many of life's intellectual, social or spiritual problems.
Actually, there is a defect in the approach to problem-solving more primitive and more destructive than impatiently inadequate attempts to find instant solutions, a defect even more ubiquitous and universal. It is the hope that problems will go away of their own accord.
Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.
This inclination to ignore problems is once again a simple manifestation of an unwillingness to delay gratification. Confronting problems is, as I have said, painful. To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful. It is choosing to suf-fer now in the hope of future gratification rather than choosing to continue present gratification in the hope that future suffer-ing will not be necessary.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Life is Difficult
Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing.
Problems, depending upon their nature, evoke in us frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair. These are uncomfortable feelings, often very uncomfortable, often as painful as any kind of physical pain, sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us all that we call them problems. And since life poses an endless series of problems, life is always difficult and is full of pain as well as joy.
Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and actually to welcome the pain of problems.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing.
Problems, depending upon their nature, evoke in us frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair. These are uncomfortable feelings, often very uncomfortable, often as painful as any kind of physical pain, sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us all that we call them problems. And since life poses an endless series of problems, life is always difficult and is full of pain as well as joy.
Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and actually to welcome the pain of problems.
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Monday, March 26, 2007
How to Read
Alan Jacobs in “How to Read” in Books & Culture, March/April, 2007, page 12, reviews The Things That Matter: What Seven Classic Novels Have to Say About the Stages of Life, by Edward Mendelson. Mendelson sees Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Middlemarch, Mrs. Dallow, To the Lighthouse, and Between the Acts as representative of the seven stages of life: birth, childhood, growth, marriage, love, parenthood, and “the future”. Jacobs believes that “the rise of the novel from an uncertain, fumbling, and generally despised form of cheap popular entertainment to the central and dominant genre of Western literature, all in little more than a century, is one of the more remarkable events in the history of human sensibility.”
When you read a novel and identify with the characters, you are, according to Mendelson, “performing one of the central acts of literary understanding.” If we do this poorly, the answer is not to abandon this way of reading, but to learn how to do it better.
Mendelson tries to show how each of these seven novels signifies one of the seven stages of life. For example, Frankenstein signifies birth as Dr. Victor Frankenstein gives life to his creature. However, Victor Frankenstein’s traits show that his is not only an abortive father but also incapable of becoming a husband. Thus, as we read great literature, it opens up to us the great themes of life, and opens up a variety of interpretations of the life stage we are going through, showing us how we might live our lives or how we shouldn’t. How we read is a moral and emotional exercise and should be done with passion.
You can read this article at: http://www.christianitytoday.com/bc/2007/002/6.12.html
When you read a novel and identify with the characters, you are, according to Mendelson, “performing one of the central acts of literary understanding.” If we do this poorly, the answer is not to abandon this way of reading, but to learn how to do it better.
Mendelson tries to show how each of these seven novels signifies one of the seven stages of life. For example, Frankenstein signifies birth as Dr. Victor Frankenstein gives life to his creature. However, Victor Frankenstein’s traits show that his is not only an abortive father but also incapable of becoming a husband. Thus, as we read great literature, it opens up to us the great themes of life, and opens up a variety of interpretations of the life stage we are going through, showing us how we might live our lives or how we shouldn’t. How we read is a moral and emotional exercise and should be done with passion.
You can read this article at: http://www.christianitytoday.com/bc/2007/002/6.12.html
Friday, January 12, 2007
Essential Conditions for Change
Some of this is redundant, but it is helpful:
1. There must be the capability for change, in the individual and group, for the new system. If there is not the potential or capacity for change, then change cannot take place. If we expose people to too great of complexity before they are able to handle it, we have not exhibit any level of human caring. For example, small children are not developmentally ready for complex thought and abstract reasoning, so to expect them to move to a higher level than they are capable of will do more harm than good. But as they grow, they gain new skills and abilities that will allow them to handle more complex problems. A leader must be able to evaluate his followers so that he knows when they are able to provide solutions that are able to move them to the next level and not try to force them to implement strategies that are beyond their capablility.
2. Solutions to the problems of living must be implemented before transformational change can take place. For example, if someone is starving, you cannot move them to change until you feed them. If someone is grieving over a loss, a leader must wait until the grieving process is complete before change can be implemented. Leaders must resolve all the previous problems before new ones can be addressed.
3. Dissonance is needed in order to give the individual or group a wake up call. People must be jostled out of their false sense of security before change can take place. For example, 911 was a wake up call, or a serious illness or a child arrested by the police can provide the dissonance needed. These wake people up to the fact that the present system is not working and transformation needs to take place.
4. In order for transformation to occur, the individual or group must fail so that it is clear that old solutions will not work. Until people come to the end of their rope, they will not look for radically new solutions. Often we become prisoners of our past success when our old solutions which worked so well no longer produce satisfactory results. It often takes repeated failure to teach us that we must look for new solutions. Leaders must be patient and wait for the process to run its course and be ready to lead the organization out of the old at the right time.
5. When we give up on old solutions we gain insight and begin to see the new solutions. We realize why the old stopped working and why the new will work. New models and systems emerge when we let go of the old and embrace the new.
6. We must then overcome barriers, often in the form of resistance from the old order. The new system must be instated even if the old system opposes it. As the new system takes root and it proves to be superior to the old, the old system will lose its grip and fade away.
7. Finally, you must consolidate and put all aspects of the system into practice. Resources and people must be mobilized in such a way as to focus their efforts like a laser beam. At this point a new system emerges and becomes the accepted way of doing things.
1. There must be the capability for change, in the individual and group, for the new system. If there is not the potential or capacity for change, then change cannot take place. If we expose people to too great of complexity before they are able to handle it, we have not exhibit any level of human caring. For example, small children are not developmentally ready for complex thought and abstract reasoning, so to expect them to move to a higher level than they are capable of will do more harm than good. But as they grow, they gain new skills and abilities that will allow them to handle more complex problems. A leader must be able to evaluate his followers so that he knows when they are able to provide solutions that are able to move them to the next level and not try to force them to implement strategies that are beyond their capablility.
2. Solutions to the problems of living must be implemented before transformational change can take place. For example, if someone is starving, you cannot move them to change until you feed them. If someone is grieving over a loss, a leader must wait until the grieving process is complete before change can be implemented. Leaders must resolve all the previous problems before new ones can be addressed.
3. Dissonance is needed in order to give the individual or group a wake up call. People must be jostled out of their false sense of security before change can take place. For example, 911 was a wake up call, or a serious illness or a child arrested by the police can provide the dissonance needed. These wake people up to the fact that the present system is not working and transformation needs to take place.
4. In order for transformation to occur, the individual or group must fail so that it is clear that old solutions will not work. Until people come to the end of their rope, they will not look for radically new solutions. Often we become prisoners of our past success when our old solutions which worked so well no longer produce satisfactory results. It often takes repeated failure to teach us that we must look for new solutions. Leaders must be patient and wait for the process to run its course and be ready to lead the organization out of the old at the right time.
5. When we give up on old solutions we gain insight and begin to see the new solutions. We realize why the old stopped working and why the new will work. New models and systems emerge when we let go of the old and embrace the new.
6. We must then overcome barriers, often in the form of resistance from the old order. The new system must be instated even if the old system opposes it. As the new system takes root and it proves to be superior to the old, the old system will lose its grip and fade away.
7. Finally, you must consolidate and put all aspects of the system into practice. Resources and people must be mobilized in such a way as to focus their efforts like a laser beam. At this point a new system emerges and becomes the accepted way of doing things.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Variations of Change
The chapter on change in Spiral Dynamics Integral by Don Beck was very helpful by clarifying the various levels and types of change. His analysis not only helps prevent misunderstanding when talking about change, but it also is a useful tool to help leaders determine which type of change is needed for specific situations.
There are two tiers of change, the first being change within a system and the second being change from one system to another. Here are the eight variations of change:
TIER ONE
C1: Fine-tune, Minor alteration
C2: Reshuffle the Deck, Rotate existing resources or people
C3: New and Improved, Making existing things better or more effective
C4: Hunker down, Making changes to survive crises
C5: Stretch up, Think outside the box (and then return to the box with the new insight)
TIER TWO
C6: Revolutionary attack on barriers, Replace key components of a system
C7: Upturn to the next level, Transformational: change the form from one system to the next
C8: Epic change, Major shifts across multiple domains (e.g. industrial revolution, information revolution)
As a leader it is important to identify the “From what, To what, and How” aspects of change and then determine which variation of change is needed. Analyzing the situation effectively will enable the leader to make the appropriate changes and avoid meaningless or harmful changes.
There are two tiers of change, the first being change within a system and the second being change from one system to another. Here are the eight variations of change:
TIER ONE
C1: Fine-tune, Minor alteration
C2: Reshuffle the Deck, Rotate existing resources or people
C3: New and Improved, Making existing things better or more effective
C4: Hunker down, Making changes to survive crises
C5: Stretch up, Think outside the box (and then return to the box with the new insight)
TIER TWO
C6: Revolutionary attack on barriers, Replace key components of a system
C7: Upturn to the next level, Transformational: change the form from one system to the next
C8: Epic change, Major shifts across multiple domains (e.g. industrial revolution, information revolution)
As a leader it is important to identify the “From what, To what, and How” aspects of change and then determine which variation of change is needed. Analyzing the situation effectively will enable the leader to make the appropriate changes and avoid meaningless or harmful changes.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Elements of Effective Organizations
I am listening to Spiral Dynamics Integral by Don Beck. It is basically A Theory of Everything approach to psychology, sociology and global change and development. The whole system is too complex to explain in this short space, but I want to share some helpful ideas I have gleaned from the program.
In the chapter on leadership, he gives five essential elements for effective organizations:
First, there needs to be a Noble Purpose. All members of the organization must have a grand vision for what they are doing that is larger than themselves, their group and their organization.
Second, Efficient and Effective Processes need to be developed to fulfill the noble purpose.
Third, Profit must be used rightly, not simply to enrich the people at the top, but to make the organization more effective and efficient at fulfilling its noble purpose as well as making the community and world a better place.
Fourth, there needs to be Sensitivity to Human Beings. People are not machines or resources to be used, but human beings who need to be cared for, developed and empowered if the organization is to fulfill its noble purpose.
Fifth, care must be taken that the organization acts Ecologically. Not only do we need to be careful of the environment, but people and organizations must act with integrity to guard the industry they are in.
In the chapter on leadership, he gives five essential elements for effective organizations:
First, there needs to be a Noble Purpose. All members of the organization must have a grand vision for what they are doing that is larger than themselves, their group and their organization.
Second, Efficient and Effective Processes need to be developed to fulfill the noble purpose.
Third, Profit must be used rightly, not simply to enrich the people at the top, but to make the organization more effective and efficient at fulfilling its noble purpose as well as making the community and world a better place.
Fourth, there needs to be Sensitivity to Human Beings. People are not machines or resources to be used, but human beings who need to be cared for, developed and empowered if the organization is to fulfill its noble purpose.
Fifth, care must be taken that the organization acts Ecologically. Not only do we need to be careful of the environment, but people and organizations must act with integrity to guard the industry they are in.
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