Listen with your heart

15. Listen with your heart.

Find a way to remind yourself to listen and master this skill. Listen between the lines to find clues to how the other person feels. First, focus on the person, not simply the ideas he is sharing. Fight the tendency to be impatient and put your agenda first. Force yourself to slow down so you can focus on the individual. Second, unclog your ear by getting rid of barriers to effective listening, such as distractions, phone calls, TV, other conversations. Get rid of psychological barriers, such as: defensiveness, close-mindedness, projecting your own thoughts and feelings on others, assumptions and jumping to conclusions, pride and thinking you have little to learn from others. Put yourself in a good physical environment and a helpful psychological mindset. Third, listen aggressively. Determine to pick up every good idea that you can from everyone around you. Fourth, listen to understand. Most communication breaks down because most people listen in order to reply and not to understand. When people feel that they are understood they are more likely to try to understand you.

To apply this principle: Forget about trying to get your own point across and listen to the other person. Ask how you can better understand what this person is feeling and thinking. Listen aggressively by focusing on the other person.


From: 25 Ways to Win with People, by John Maxwell and Les Parrott.