Life Lessons 1

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler have written an insightful book on the major lessons we must learn in life if we are to find fulfillment and meaning. Ms. Ross is famous for her work on death and dying, especially the five stages of grief. In this book, she and David Kessler clearly identify, explain, and illustrate these lessons. Their basic premise is that while many people learn these lessons only when faced with death or tragedy, we can learn these lessons before such drastic events occur.

The first lesson is Authenticity. People who are facing imminent death quickly lose all pretense and remove all of their masks and become authentic. This authenticity enables them to see life more clearly, put tragic events into perspective, heal broken relationships, and accept their death. When we meet someone who is authentic, we trust them more easily because we trust them. Without authenticity, trust is difficult to develop.

One of the most important things is that roles, while helpful in new situations, can become confining and cause us to act in unauthentic ways. When we get married, have children, or enter into new phases of life, adopting culturally acceptable roles can help us adjust to unfamiliar situations more quickly and with less stress. However, roles often put us in boxes that don’t fit our personality or abilities, causing us to act in ways that are not normal for us. This leads to putting on masks and pretending to be what we are not.

Often we act out fear and selfishness because we either don’t want people to think we are bad, or because we want people to think we are good. However, acts of kindness that are done out of fear or selfishness are not good at all, nor are they helpful. When we are authentic, we choose to do good because we sincerely want what is best for the other person, then our deeds can be considered good and helpful. Much of the good that we do is for our own benefit and not the benefit of the ones we are supposedly doing them for.

It is better to be transparent and admit that we are not genuinely loving, even though it may be painful, because then we are able to change. But as long as we pretend to be loving and kind when we aren’t, we are not able to change. So, authenticity is essential to growth and change as well as for ministering to others in a way that meets their deepest needs.